Enough Already!

There’s a little game that many of us play, called, “I’m not enough.” Some of you may be familiar with this.

The premise of this game is that, on the deepest level, those of us who are playing believe we’re not enough as we are. So, we need to spend our time overcompensating, getting validation from things and people outside of ourselves, or living in fear that others will see us as frauds. Although these patterns can overlap, they each have certain qualities, or some variation.

Overcompensating: “I’m not enough, so I have to do more.”

People involved in this pattern often feel a need to be perfect. There is a need to do more or be more. Maybe even to be the center of attention. There is never enough success, money, accomplishments to satisfy or convince. It is not okay to relax or to take care of self. Mistakes are not allowed. It’s almost as though we have to prove or justify our existence.


Getting validation from the outside: “I’m not enough, so I need you to tell me that I am”

People involved in this pattern believe that others must approve of all they do in order to be okay. If others disapprove, disagree or judge, that can trigger fear, anger, indecision. If we’ve given our power away to another to let us know we’re okay or “doing the right thing,” and they don’t do that for us,, that affects our sense of safety and security. We question who we are and what we do or have done. We’re always seeking to keep the peace, make others happy, or make others like us. We feel a need to control others in order to feel okay about ourselves.



Living in fear of other’s seeing who we are. “I’m not enough as I am, so I can’t let people really know me

People who are involved in this pattern often live in fear of being seen, heard or noticed. Even if some may be in public eye, there is a concern of being exposed, of people seeing beyond the mask. It doesn’t feel safe to be vulnerable. There’s a belief that if “people really knew who I am, they would leave me.” So, sometimes we become like a chameleon and mirror the other person’s expectations, other times we retreat from relationships and connections . And there are times we may hold back the truth of our expressions out of fear that others will abandon us if they know us on the deepest level.



As part of this belief of “I’m not enough as I am,” we often use judgment as a motivational tool. There’s a fear that if the judgment ends, we’ll get complacent, and forever stay where we’re at.

There’s a concern that if I accept myself as I am, I’ll stop growing. I’ll continue to do all these crazy things that have made me so unhappy all of my life. Or, I’ll just settle for less than who I am. So, we have some variation of the below conversation with ourselves.

“I need to change because I’m not enough as I am. There’s something wrong with me. When I accomplish more, or lose ___pounds, or stop doing_____, or start_______, then I’ll be okay. Then I’ll accept myself as I am. Until then, I must overcompensate, hide or be told that I’m okay by others.”

Actually, we don’t need to change because there’s something wrong with us the way we are. We will change when we’re ready simply because we are so much more. Our soul can’t not continue to expand and move forward.

When we are open and allow it, there is always soul energy of enthusiasm and joy working through us. In order to keep that flow open, it’s important to be aware of the motivations behind our decisions and behavior. “Am I doing this out of fear or am I doing this as part of my soul’s expression?” When we are truly honest with ourselves, we are able to discern the difference.

If we give our power away to others to let us know we’re okay, then we have to constantly be on alert. We are always on guard to threats to our safety and sense of worth.
Paralysis can set in until we get the “green light” from something or someone outside of ourselves that it’s safe to proceed. As those of us who have played this game for awhile know, there is never enough praise, accomplishment, security from outside of us to remove that fear. There is no safe place to hide. There is only the opening up to the truth of who we are. There is one prime directive that we all share. And that is to learn to love ourselves and know ourselves as Divine. Everything else is just the path we choose to get there.

From the Soul’s perspective, we are part of the Divine. We are enough just as we are. The soul sees each step of the journey as a joyful, loving adventure. We are here to learn and come in to a place of wholeness. Sometimes we learn first by experiencing who we aren’t before we can learn who we are. There is no need to hide, defend, or justify. We will stop playing that game when we’re ready to move forward.



Dixie Clark, MS, MSS, LPC is Director and co-founder of Morning Star Center, a holistic well center. A licensed counselor and ordained minister, she holds a masters’ degree in both counseling and spiritual science. With over 26 years experience in mind/body therapies, she combines psychology and spirituality to help people release emotional blocks, heal past trauma and change limiting beliefs.